diff --git a/build-tools/news-data.php b/build-tools/news-embed.php
similarity index 69%
rename from build-tools/news-data.php
rename to build-tools/news-embed.php
index 16af212d4..a30352e44 100644
--- a/build-tools/news-data.php
+++ b/build-tools/news-embed.php
@@ -2,4 +2,4 @@
 date_default_timezone_set('America/Los_Angeles');
 include __DIR__.'/../pokemonshowdown.com/news/include.php';
 
-echo json_encode(array(getNewsId(), renderNews()));
+echo json_encode([getNewsId(), renderNews()]);
diff --git a/build-tools/update b/build-tools/update
index 2cfedf191..b255490cf 100755
--- a/build-tools/update
+++ b/build-tools/update
@@ -137,82 +137,77 @@ process.stdout.write("Updating cachebuster and URLs... ");
 
 const URL_REGEX = /(src|href)="(.*?)(\?[a-z0-9]*?)?"/g;
 
-function updateURL(a, b, c, d) {
-	c = c.replace('/replay.pokemonshowdown.com/', '/' + routes.replays + '/');
-	c = c.replace('/dex.pokemonshowdown.com/', '/' + routes.dex + '/');
-	c = c.replace('/play.pokemonshowdown.com/', '/' + routes.client + '/');
-	c = c.replace('/pokemonshowdown.com/', '/' + routes.root + '/');
+function addCachebuster(_, attr, url, urlQuery) {
+	url = url.replace('/replay.pokemonshowdown.com/', '/' + routes.replays + '/');
+	url = url.replace('/dex.pokemonshowdown.com/', '/' + routes.dex + '/');
+	url = url.replace('/play.pokemonshowdown.com/', '/' + routes.client + '/');
+	url = url.replace('/pokemonshowdown.com/', '/' + routes.root + '/');
 
-	if (d) {
-		if (c.startsWith('/')) {
+	if (urlQuery) {
+		if (url.startsWith('/')) {
 			let hash = Math.random(); // just in case creating the hash fails
 			try {
-				const filename = c.slice(1).replace('/' + routes.client + '/', '');
+				const filename = url.slice(1).replace('/' + routes.client + '/', '');
 				const fstr = fs.readFileSync(filename, {encoding: 'utf8'});
 				hash = crypto.createHash('md5').update(fstr).digest('hex').substr(0, 8);
 			} catch (e) {}
 
-			return b + '="' + c + '?' + hash + '"';
+			return attr + '="' + url + '?' + hash + '"';
 		} else {
 			// hardcoded to Replays rn; TODO: generalize
 			let hash;
 			try {
-				const fstr = fs.readFileSync('replay.pokemonshowdown.com/' + c, {encoding: 'utf8'});
+				const fstr = fs.readFileSync('replay.pokemonshowdown.com/' + url, {encoding: 'utf8'});
 				hash = crypto.createHash('md5').update(fstr).digest('hex').substr(0, 8);
 			} catch (e) {}
 
-			return b + '="' + c + '?' + (hash || 'v1') + '"';
+			return attr + '="' + url + '?' + (hash || 'v1') + '"';
 		}
 	} else {
-		return b + '="' + c + '"';
+		return attr + '="' + url + '"';
 	}
 }
 
-function writeFiles(indexContents, preactIndexContents, crossprotocolContents, replayEmbedContents) {
-	fs.writeFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/index.html', indexContents);
-	fs.writeFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/preactalpha.html', preactIndexContents);
-	fs.writeFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/crossprotocol.html', crossprotocolContents);
-	fs.writeFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/js/replay-embed.js', replayEmbedContents);
+// add hashes to js and css files and rewrite URLs
+let indexContents = fs.readFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/index.template.html', {encoding: 'utf8'});
+indexContents = indexContents.replace(URL_REGEX, addCachebuster);
+let preactIndexContents = fs.readFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/preactalpha.template.html', {encoding: 'utf8'});
+preactIndexContents = preactIndexContents.replace(URL_REGEX, addCachebuster);
+let crossprotocolContents = fs.readFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/crossprotocol.template.html', {encoding: 'utf8'});
+crossprotocolContents = crossprotocolContents.replace(URL_REGEX, addCachebuster);
+let replayEmbedContents = fs.readFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/js/replay-embed.template.js', {encoding: 'utf8'});
+replayEmbedContents = replayEmbedContents.replace(/play\.pokemonshowdown\.com/g, routes.client);
 
-	let replaysContents = fs.readFileSync('replay.pokemonshowdown.com/index.template.php', {encoding: 'utf8'});
-	replaysContents = replaysContents.replace(URL_REGEX, updateURL);
-	fs.writeFileSync('replay.pokemonshowdown.com/index.php', replaysContents);
-
-	console.log("DONE");
+// add news, only if it's actually likely to exist
+process.stdout.write("and news... ");
+let stdout = '';
+let newsid = 0;
+let news = '[failed to retrieve news]';
+try {
+	stdout = child_process.execSync('php ' + path.resolve(thisDir, 'news-embed.php'));
+} catch (e) {
+	console.log("git hook failed to retrieve news (exec command failed):\n" + (e.error + e.stderr + e.stdout));
+}
+try {
+	if (stdout) [newsid, news] = JSON.parse(stdout);
+} catch (e) {
+	console.log("git hook failed to retrieve news (parsing JSON failed):\n" + e.stack);
 }
 
-function updateFiles() {
-	// add hashes to js and css files and rewrite URLs
-	let indexContents = fs.readFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/index.template.html', {encoding: 'utf8'});
-	indexContents = indexContents.replace(URL_REGEX, updateURL);
-	let preactIndexContents = fs.readFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/preactalpha.template.html', {encoding: 'utf8'});
-	preactIndexContents = preactIndexContents.replace(URL_REGEX, updateURL);
-	let crossprotocolContents = fs.readFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/crossprotocol.template.html', {encoding: 'utf8'});
-	crossprotocolContents = crossprotocolContents.replace(URL_REGEX, updateURL);
-	let replayEmbedContents = fs.readFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/js/replay-embed.template.js', {encoding: 'utf8'});
-	replayEmbedContents = replayEmbedContents.replace(/play\.pokemonshowdown\.com/g, routes.client);
+indexContents = indexContents.replace(/<!-- newsid -->/g, newsid);
+indexContents = indexContents.replace(/<!-- news -->/g, news);
 
-	// add news, only if it's actually likely to exist
-	process.stdout.write("and news... ");
-	child_process.exec('php ' + path.resolve(thisDir, 'news-data.php'), function (error, stdout, stderr) {
-		let newsData = [0, '[failed to retrieve news]'];
-		if (!error && !stderr) {
-			try {
-				newsData = JSON.parse(stdout);
-			} catch (e) {
-				console.log("git hook failed to retrieve news (parsing JSON failed):\n" + e.stack);
-			}
-		} else {
-			console.log("git hook failed to retrieve news (exec command failed):\n" + (error + stderr + stdout));
-		}
+try {
+	indexContents = indexContents.replace(/<!-- head custom -->/g, '' + fs.readFileSync('config/head-custom.html'));
+} catch {}
 
-		indexContents = indexContents.replace(/<!-- newsid -->/g, newsData[0]);
-		indexContents = indexContents.replace(/<!-- news -->/g, newsData[1]);
+fs.writeFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/index.html', indexContents);
+fs.writeFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/preactalpha.html', preactIndexContents);
+fs.writeFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/crossprotocol.html', crossprotocolContents);
+fs.writeFileSync('play.pokemonshowdown.com/js/replay-embed.js', replayEmbedContents);
 
-		indexContents = indexContents.replace(/<!-- head custom -->/g, '' + fs.readFileSync('config/head-custom.html'));
+let replaysContents = fs.readFileSync('replay.pokemonshowdown.com/index.template.php', {encoding: 'utf8'});
+replaysContents = replaysContents.replace(URL_REGEX, addCachebuster);
+fs.writeFileSync('replay.pokemonshowdown.com/index.php', replaysContents);
 
-		writeFiles(indexContents, preactIndexContents, crossprotocolContents, replayEmbedContents);
-	});
-}
-
-updateFiles();
+console.log("DONE");